REBUILDING YOUR LIFE?

By Oscar Méndez Casanueva 

“Rebuilding the life” of divorcing marriages. That is the irrepressible motto and new secular “dogma” that is currently on everyone’s lips, and whoever dares to contradict it becomes the subject of all kinds of sanctions, attacks and condemnatory adjectives. To speak against divorce is to go against progress, modernism and human rights, or so they say.

However, anyone who guided by their own judgment manages to disengage from the materialistic views of a mass society, which ironically deems itself free, will begin to raise these fundamental questions: “Are divorced people really rebuilding their lives?” “What did they do to undo it in the first place?” Later on, he will reflect on the following: “one can only rebuild what has been previously undone”. And they will question if they are really undoing things even more instead of rebuilding them, not only their own lives but others’ too. Yet today very few people raise these questions; and therefore how many get into a dangerous and naive adventure, entering a path of no return!

Certainly, there are thousands of efficient ways to destroy a life. Sometimes these sprout in our minds and judgment when we are children; they develop and take shape during youth, hatching finally in the adult stage. They are composed of multiple factors, such as lack of strong and genuine principles as well as a poor lay vision of existence.

THE CHOICE

While it is true that the destruction starts with these types of notions that, as we have said, are absorbed during childhood or in early life, this evil formally materializes for the first time during courtship, for these same notions are the ones that will guide the choice of the future spouse.

Without a well-established and hierarchized scale of values, both in the bride and groom, to analyze if there is true compatibility, and without a real assessment of the significant features of both sides, the new possible marriage is definitely off to a bad start. Thus, focusing on physical appearance, ‘chemistry’, as attraction is called today, and ‘being cool’ become main factors for them to embark upon a unfamiliar and dangerous path.

However, there is always something within themselves that alerts them about their building on unsure foundations, and so they enter marriage considering divorce as a resource in case things go wrong, therefore, they walk to the altar full of hopes and illusions but paradoxically thinking of failure and accepting it in advance.

SUCCESS OR FAILURE

Once married life begins there will be adaptations, adjustments and even confrontations resulting from the different natures, principles, opinions, preferences, and above all, different moral and religious values. In addition, the particular mindsets arising from different upbringings and social class of each one will also emerge, together with the specific strengths or weaknesses of the two sides.

There are two possible outcomes of this process; victory or defeat. It will depend on the background, principles and supernatural outlook on both sides. Sometimes it will be necessary to exercise extreme prudence and an almost heroic practice of virtues, which will result in benefits for the entire family, both parents and children

We can be sure that, as long as there is good will, God will grant his graces to them. Deep and supernatural love will overcome all difficulties and will have as a reward uncountable joys and benefits. It will not be defeated by false self-love, pure selfishness or by hedonistic materialism; this kind of love is only based in convenience and sexuality. The foundation of genuine love will be a real affection between them, together with a sense of eternity and always placing love of God and obedience to Him above all, hence resulting inevitably in the greatest good, for the spouse as well as for the children. True love knows that everything else will be given as well.

On the other hand, there are numerous elements that contribute to destruction of marriage today. All the different media, with its controlling influence for creating mindsets, does not cease to promote infidelity, pornography, “free love”, abortion and small families as role models. On top of that, there is also violence, generation gaps, drug addiction, lack of family communication, secular schools, etc. among other relevant factors that also have a negative influence on the essential cell of society.

DIVORCE

There are numerous factors that when combined lead without doubt to a failed marriage, somehow or other: when there is not an adequate preparation to marriage along with a responsible choice of partner, when there is no self-sacrifice for the sake of the other person or for the couple, when there is no willingness to do all the positive things in favor of the spouse and children, when self-love, selfishness and pride prevail, when divorce is a possibility, no matter how small, or when God does not dwell in the household are just a few of them.

Of course, blame will always be attributed to the other side, without acknowledging or, in many cases, without even realizing about one’s own faults. And what can the party that deems itself so good an innocent, that on occasions even come to accept (or cannot fail to acknowledge) some blame, do? In their view, they have the right to: “rebuild their life”, given that they consider themselves as victims. And, indeed, they are victims but only of themselves, and at the same time they are also tormentors, in the proportional part that corresponds to them, of their family, spouse and children with all the resulting consequences that this entails, and without detriment of the responsibility of the other side. (1).

A MEANINGLESS PIECE OF PAPER

Sadly, they are convinced that through divorce they are breaking the bond that they freely accepted, which was sanctified by God and established upon death of one of the spouses. While it is true that the State has the authority to regulate the civil effects of the institution of marriage, they have to comply with the order stated by their Creator. Therefore, it is invalid to legislate over something that was divinely instituted. The government lacks the power to dissolve a real and legitimate marriage, therefore what God has joined together cannot be separated by man, even when he issues thousands of certificates with official stamps in them, or establishes all the laws he wishes to. Ultimately, these laws and certificates will only be pieces of paper without any real value. Just a meaningless and worthless piece of paper!

And with these aforementioned papers they intend to legalize the subsequent concubinage and bring to fruition the destruction they had started progressively, maybe even before choosing a boyfriend or girlfriend, but at the exact moment when they accepted divorce as a right and solution.

It is the great temptation and the biggest of mistakes. “Rebuilding” gave us the option to destroy, and prevented us from making EVERY effort to make things right. The word “Redoing” leads us to believe that if things go wrong once again, there is a chance to redoing them over and over again. Or is it possible to set a limit to this?

This kind of thought also affects whoever marries with a divorced person, given that by accepting the effect (the new and false marriage) there is also acceptance of the cause (divorce). Now there are two people infected with the same virus. The impact multiplies in them, and it is very likely that it will also affect their existing and future offspring, who will end up considering normal what is an irregular situation and thinking of divorce as a possible option “in case of necessity” for their future lives. However, they will be the first victims. Any school principal or social worker knows, without having to be psychologists, that wherever there is a problematic child or a young delinquent, there is a broken marriage.

REAL REBUILDING?

Furthermore, this “rebuilding” hinders a genuine reconstruction, since the divorced ones create new family structures that tie and root them. Hence, the legal spouses, the ones that did not “rebuild” their lives, are prevented from trying to reconstruct their marriage, for they will encounter illegal structures or legalized concubinages, which will thwart any possible attempt of rebuilding their legitimate family.

Such structures, by their own nature, tie the partner to their new way of life, which, in addition, alienate them from divine friendship and jeopardize the end for which every man was created, namely to possess God eternally.

Whoever violates the laws provided by Him by living in a state of permanent sin, may deceive everybody, even themselves, but cannot deceive God. Furthermore, they put themselves and their partners at great risk of dying in mortal sin. In such a case, EVERYTHING will be lost for nothing.

  

AN AVERAGE LIFE EXPECTANCY OF 75 YEARS OLD IN EXCHANGE FOR AN ETERNITY?

Is there anything as folly as this? How much time does life last compared to an ETERNITY of acceptance or rejection from the Creator? Is it worth the risk? If love of God is not enough to act as a deterrent may His fair and final judgment be it.

After analyzing and considering all the previously exposed reasons, we ask again the initial question: Did these failed marriages really rebuild their lives and that of their families… or destroyed them?

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    1)  NOTE: It is not our intention to analyze in this article those cases where blame is completely and overwhelmingly attributable to only one spouse, as these are certainly the less common cases, although the more used by those in favor of divorce. Certainly, the Church accepts separation in extreme situations, but not false dissolution of a bond to be able to get married again.

It should be emphasized, to avoid confusion, that the fact of declaring null and void a marriage that never existed in the first place by any impediment, is completely different than divorce.

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Source of information: Blog CATOLICIDAD http://www.catolicidad.com/2009/06/rehacer-tu-vida.html  Translated from Spanish by: Fabiola Lozano.