CHILDREN: NEITHER PRINCES NOR PRINCESSES, BUT BEINGS THAT GOD RENEWS US TO FORM GOOD MEN AND WOMEN TO LEAD TO HIM

A mother raised her hand and asked:

"What do I do if my son is on the table and won't get down?"

"Tell him to get down," I told her.

"I've already told him, but he doesn't listen and won't get down," the mother replied in a defeated voice.

"How old is the child?" I asked.

"Three years old," she replied.

Situations similar to this frequently arise when I have the opportunity to speak with groups of parents.

Many conflicts arise because parents are fearful or lax in exercising their authority. And those children grow up, and the problem grows with them, since those parents have a hard time making the decision to set limits and exercise their authority correctly.

Why do your children do what they do?

1.- BECAUSE YOU LET THEM.

Don't forget that children are meant to be

brought to God, not just given materially what you didn't have.

May your inactions never cause them to lose faith.

They do what they do because you allow them to. Children become who they are because their parents allow it, it's that simple. If your child is making a mess of their life, you won't like this answer. You'll come to me and give me a million excuses. You'll blame it on the music they listen to, the movies they watch, the books they read (if they read at all), the violence on television, the educational system, or the pressure exerted by society or their friends. So put your indignation aside and consider this truth: your children are a product of your parenting, or, in other words, your way of raising them.

2. THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES FOR BAD BEHAVIOR.

Parents let their children do whatever they want, with very little information about what is acceptable and what is not. If they do something wrong, there are no consequences for the unacceptable behavior.

Sometimes we say, "If you do this, that will happen to you," and "If you don't do that, this will happen to you." Then they don't do what they're supposed to do, and nothing happens; we don't keep the promise of the consequences. Do you know what a parent who doesn't follow through on the consequences becomes? A LIAR; and that's precisely what our children learn: to lie, and to make promises without keeping them, so that nothing happens.

3. YOU TELL YOUR CHILDREN THEY ARE SPECIAL.

You may not agree with me on this. Believe me, it was difficult for me to understand and accept, but it's a reality.  If you're one of those who currently believes your little "angel" is special, I'm sorry to tell you that they aren't. If you constantly tell your children they're special, you're doing more harm than good.

Your child is special to you and only you, not to anyone else. Your child was born with all your love, and watching them grow is a wonder, but when they grow up and walk through your door to go to school, they're just another child on the school roll, and there's nothing special about them.

In the real world, your daughter isn't a "princess," nor is your son a "prince," just another child. Children must understand and learn to grow up knowing that the moment they leave your loving arms and enter the real world, no one will love them for the sole reason that they exist, as you do.

4. YOU MAKE YOUR CHILDREN THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE.

They aren't the only important thing.  I know you think they are, but that's not the case. When you let your children think they're the most important person in your life, they learn to manipulate you, and you'll end up doing what they say.

You shouldn't neglect your children for

your husband, nor your husband for the children (the latter is the most common), because you could end up alone.

Your children are important; don't get me wrong. Your children should be loved unconditionally. But parents who put their children's happiness above all else and sacrifice their own lives, and sometimes their marriage as well, then when their parenting work is over, your children will grow up and leave you, going in search of their own happiness, and you'll be left with only your spouse, at best.

If you spend all your time and energy solely on your children, when they leave, you won't be sure that your spouse will be with you.  That's one of the reasons why separations happen after the children leave, because the only thing you had in common was your children, and you never tried to nurture marital love as a bond. And you end up alone, with no one to grow old with. And you usually end up treating and seeing your 50-year-old as if he or she were 4 years old.

5.- WE FAIL TO TEACH THEM THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES.

Children have, among others, the following rights: to life, to play, to freedom of opinion, to a family, to protection from negligent treatment, to food, to be loved, to receive an education, etc. Privileges are concessions earned through a specific action; we buy things for our children, for example: the latest video games, or designer clothes or shoes, or a pet, and we even take them to the movies or on vacations, we buy them cell phones, etc., etc., and all for free, in exchange for nothing. Today I tell you that even if you have enough money to please your child, you have to teach them how to earn it; they have to know that the things they like cost money and that they have to pay a price.  Even these things will help you negotiate attitudes and behaviors (Editor's note: and through them, help them acquire responsibilities to better navigate their way in life).

6. WORK ON YOUR CHILD'S SELF-ESTEEM.

A child who has not been instilled with religious and moral convictions will easily stray intellectually and/or morally. We will be held accountable to God for putting their eternal salvation at risk.

The word self-esteem is a compound word. Self means oneself, and esteem means love, that is, loving oneself. You cannot provide them with a positive assessment of themselves because we confuse encouraging and supporting them with increasing their self-esteem, and we change the rule of "if they have high self-esteem, they will succeed at everything," but in reality it's the other way around: if they succeed at everything, their self-esteem will increase. So, if you want them to have high self-esteem, teach them to achieve their successes. To fight for them, because everything requires effort, dedication, and perseverance.

I hope these comments help you understand why we sometimes ask for the moon, when in reality we reap what we sow.

Source: Parents to the rescue of values.