Introduction: The essence of human relationships and their purpose in Christian morality
From the very beginning of creation, the purpose of human relationships has been inscribed in the very nature of man and woman. Relationships, whether friendships, courtships, or marriages, are not an end in themselves but are oriented toward something greater: the moral and spiritual growth of the people involved and, by extension, of society. As Saint Thomas Aquinas teaches, “the common good is the measure of all human actions,” and this includes relationships. Without a clear orientation toward the common good, relationships become empty, centered on selfishness, and lose their true meaning.
The common good is not a theoretical or abstract notion. In the context of human relationships, it means that each bond must be a space for mutual edification, growth in virtue, and the pursuit of holiness. If a relationship does not contribute to the common good, it becomes a place of disorder, where passions, selfishness, and personal interest destroy the true purpose of the union between people.
Saint Thomas Aquinas defines the common good as “that which is shared and, in its fullness, not only benefits each individual but elevates the entire community” (Summa Theologica II-II, q.58). In human relationships, this implies that each interaction must be directed toward the pursuit of spiritual, moral, and human good, both for individuals and for society as a whole. Any relationship not founded on this principle is destined to fail.
The Common Good: The Unshakeable Foundation of Human Relationships
The common good is a guiding principle in Catholic morality that, at its core, expresses the need for each human action, including relationships between people, to contribute not only to individual well-being but also to the good of the entire community. In the context of human relationships, this means that every interaction should seek mutual edification and growth in virtue. As Pius XI states in his encyclical Divini Illius Magistri, “The common good is the ultimate principle that must govern social and family life, and only through it can true happiness be achieved.”
In the realm of friendship and courtship, the common good implies that it is not enough to seek emotional or physical satisfaction. These relationships must be ordered toward the integral good of both people. This means that uncontrolled passions, selfishness, or momentary pleasure cannot be allowed to undermine the dignity of the other or destroy the natural order that God has established. Relationships between men and women, when not guided by the common good, end up destroying both individuals and the community.
Saint Francis de Sales is clear on this when he says: “Any friendship not founded in God and the pursuit of virtue is nothing more than a disguised enmity.” True friendship, according to the Church’s teaching, does not seek personal gain or selfish satisfaction but is oriented toward the good of the other and, ultimately, toward God.
“The common good is not the result of the sum of individual goods, but it is that which, in its totality, elevates the entire community, including human relationships.” — Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica II-II, q.58.
True Friendship: A Path to Virtue or an Instrument of Perdition
True friendships, according to Catholic morality, must be a means of growth in virtue and mutual edification. Saint Francis de Sales, in his work Introduction to the Devout Life, emphasizes that “a friendship that is not directed toward God is dangerous and, sooner or later, will become an instrument of perdition.” This is because a relationship that does not seek the common good—that is, growth in virtue and respect for the dignity of the other—will inevitably turn into a relationship centered on selfishness and personal pleasure.
In the context of relationships between men and women, this teaching is even more pertinent. A friendship based solely on physical or emotional attraction, without a true orientation toward the common good, is doomed to corruption. Purity and chastity are essential for these relationships to truly flourish. Without them, mutual respect and the common good are compromised, and the relationship falls apart.
“A friendship that does not seek the good of the other is nothing more than a disguised enmity. Only when friendship is oriented toward virtue can it be considered true.” — Saint Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life.
Purity as the Foundation of the Common Good in Relationships
Purity is not merely a moral rule; it is a fundamental principle that guarantees respect for the dignity of the person in any relationship. Saint Thomas Aquinas teaches that purity is a virtue that correctly orders affections and desires, allowing relationships between men and women to be oriented toward the common good rather than disorder or selfishness.
In his work Summa Theologica, Aquinas reminds us that “purity is the light of the soul that allows the passions to be ordered toward the good.” In other words, purity is not a denial of emotions or desire, but their proper orientation toward mutual respect and the edification of the other. Without purity, human relationships become deformed, turning into spaces of disorder and selfishness.
The common good, in this context, demands that relationships between men and women always respect the dignity of the other, avoiding any type of familiarity or intimacy that undermines this principle. Physical and emotional contact must always be guided by respect, not by the desire for immediate or personal satisfaction. Otherwise, the relationship becomes an instrument of sin and destruction.
“Purity is not merely abstention but the correct order of passions toward the common good.” — Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica II-II, q.151.
Avoiding Inappropriate Familiarities That Compromise the Common Good
Saint Aloysius Gonzaga is a model of prudence and purity. His life is a living testimony to the importance of avoiding occasions of sin and inappropriate familiarities that can lead to emotional or physical disorder. Gonzaga is clear in stating that “it is better to avoid any occasion that might compromise virtue, no matter how small it may seem.”
In the context of relationships between men and women, this means avoiding any type of familiarity that undermines the common good. Interactions must always be guided by prudence and respect, avoiding any gesture or word that might lead to temptation or the loss of mutual respect.
Conclusion
The common good is the moral compass that must guide all our relationships. From friendship to marriage, every interaction between men and women must be oriented toward growth in virtue and the pursuit of holiness. Any relationship that does not contribute to this goal is destined for moral and spiritual failure.
“The common good is the measure of every relationship. In it lies the fullness of moral and spiritual life.” — Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica.
OMO
Bibliography:
1. Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, II-II.
2. Saint Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life.
3. Pius XI, Divini Illius Magistri.
4. Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, Spiritual Writings.
Posts
